motherhood

Do you ever find yourself feeling happy or worried and not able to remember the thing that inspired that emotion just a second before? I guess it didn't happen to me before I had children, but now I can be exposed to a thought and get called away before it hits my conscious mind. I have to trace it back, follow what I was doing until I find what I was about to think about. Often I'm surprised by a distaste for something, and in following it to its source I end up reevaluating the health of it: Really? I was worried about that? Maybe I shouldn't do it then. Today it was happiness. I'd been hazily admiring the mop of curly hair on the Hero's head, the gap toothed smile, just how adorable he is in general just before I found myself overtaken with a wave of happiness. I am reconciling to the fact that he's a kindergartener, a kid old enough to go away to school. Only I get to be wholly present in this part of his life. I am lucky indeed.